WITHOUT CONDITION, a love story

She woke up to another nightmare…the same old scene. She had been having these for the past year and nothing, absolutely nothing made her more afraid than the almost tangible happenings in her dreams.

About two years ago, Stephanie met Thrit. Before then, she was a normal 22-year old battling with everything humans battle with- insecurities, obsessions and addictions, depression, self-centeredness and pride. That day was just like any other. She clumsily hurried herself to get ready for a conference she wouldn’t have attended but for her roommate’s insistence. Arriving at the venue late, and as uninterested in the topic being discussed as she was, she sat on a seat against the wall in the last row. Looking around her, everyone seemed engrossed in the teaching. Well, everyone except two eyes which wouldn’t stop looking at her. She stared right back with a straight face until the stranger broke the eye contact with a smile.

Two hours of sitting there felt like a day. As the program ended, she quickly got up and made a soft run for the door before the crowds clogged the only way out. But her run was intercepted by a gentleman in a dull green shirt and the same brown eyes which stared at her earlier. He introduced himself as Thrit and the rest, they say is history.

Stephanie had known love, being the only child of her parents. She had a few friends whom she believed loved her genuinely. But Thrit’s way of loving her felt different. It was whole, as though she was all he knew and could see. She knew that Thrit was aware of the battles she fought in her mind, her many shortcomings, her past mistakes, all her dirt. Regardless, the love that came from him was not diluted by any of these. Slowly, her insecurities began to wane. She felt more like one worthy of love.

Then it began. Fear set in. The fear of the possibility that she may lose him. She had grown so dependent on that love that she knew, without a doubt, that if it was taken away, it would destroy her. Her mind became a galore of worst scenarios. The what ifs were endless. What if Thrit got tired of her? What if she did something so bad to offend him that he couldn’t love her anymore? What if Thrit finally paid attention to her inadequacies? Would he still love her?

She took her fears to bed. The words “I cannot bear with you anymore” always came out of his mouth. It was her worst nightmare, literally.

Steph became too careful around him. She tried her hardest not to offend him. She thought, “if I can be perfect, then perhaps, I can deserve his love; perhaps, he will not leave me then”. So there she was, not enjoying being loved, but rather working hard each day to earn it.

When Thrit noticed it, it saddened him but he understood her fears. So one evening, before parting after a date, he looked her in the eyes and said “my love for you is without condition, so unless you don’t want me anymore, but if you truly do, then know that I’ll never leave you”.

This story is inspired by the early stages of my relationship with the HOLY SPIRIT. I lived in fear, always trying so hard to be perfect for HIM, lest HE leaves me. HE was, is and will always be everything to me. I treasure HIS Presence so much that I cannot imagine HIS absence. HE says to me and to every one of HIS children out there, “my love for you is without condition, so unless you don’t want me anymore, but if you truly do, then know that I’ll never leave you”.

PS: Thrit = The Holy Spirit

May the GOOD LORD bless you all richly
LOVE GOD MORE, TREASURE
-Asantewaa A-MACCARTHY